wow

guess who...

yes, that would be one ms. lindsay lohan...yes, that's right...that is la la lindsay...

doesn't she look like fergie pre-kicking-the-meth??? are we sure she was in rehab for only 3 months??? she looked like she aged about 30 years...

best.costume.ever.

so people.com has been having people submit pictures of themselves in their halloween costumes dressed as celebrities.

i believe this group of girls from palm beach, california take the cake:

10 friends dressed up as brit brit from every phase she's been through thus far...i can't wait until 'food stamps' and 'wic' brit brit join the ranks...

runners up:

d- in a box

dog the bounty hunter

prince (he's just the right height too!)

the olsens (this one is kinda creepy cause they TOTALLY look like them)

angie with her gaggle

HAPPY HALLOWEENIE!!!

that is all.

yeah yeah yeah....

alright...alright...i get it...people want me to update...jeesh - can't a girl enjoy a good oxy buzz without being harassed???

d.b. of the week

to those concerned that i would not be posting due to my surgery...have no fear...i am always here (and on oxycodone so i'm a barrel of laughs to boot - and yes, justin, mike bought me ice cream with candy bits in it...'I'M GONNA EAT YOU!!!').

so on to this weeks douche bag of the week...or in this case, douche bags of the week.

anyone who knows me knows that i love love love the boston red sox. i have been watching all the playoff games i can including the most recent two from the world series. the red sox have proved that they can win the blowouts (13-1 - highest scoring game in world series history) and the tight ones (2-1 last night).

so who are my douche bags might you ask???

the fox broadcasters - joe buck and, of course, tim mccarver.


why in the hell are these two idiots allowed on tv??? i mean, i know fox sucks for the most part (save for family guy), but they have struck a new low in allowing these morons to do ANYTHING. aren't broadcasters supposed to know the game...especially if one of them is a former player himself (cough cough tim cough cough)???

and aren't they supposed to remain neutral??? it was bad enough in 2004 when you could just tell through their announcing that they had major hard-ons for the yankees...'just wait for the red sox to crumble' was one of my favs...

i mean, if these guys would come out in full colorodao rockies gear, get on their knees, and just be done with it at least i could respect them a little...

well, maybe not...i mean they are douche bags....

and you thought the east vs. west coast wars were over...

vs.

GO RED SOX (AGAIN)!!!

this one is even better...

GO RED SOX!!!

oh amy winehouse...your trickster!!!

amy winehouse has been arrested for marijuana possession in norway where she was briefly held by police.

SHOCKING!!!

she was arrested in her hotel room along with her husband, blake fielder-civil, and one other person. the arrest came after a tip-off to police. she was arrested at 6 p.m. thursday for possession of seven grams (a-quarter of an ounce) of marijuana.

those norwegians just suck the fun out of EVERYTHING!!!

brit brit's checklist for the week:

• went to starbucks
• lost custody of her children
• went to starbucks
• went tanning
• lost visitation rights to see her children
• went to starbucks
• picked up people magazine to read about how lance bass felt really bad and knew she was going to go through a lot of crap when her first marriage to jason alexander happened so he sat her on his bed, and was like, 'well, i'm gay!'
• went tanning
• booked on her hit & run from august
• went to starbucks
• reached financial agreement with individual who's car she hit in august
• called ahead and booked tanning appointment
• when leaving courthouse after settlement with the hit & run driver, proceeded to run over the foot of a member of the paparazzi
• left the scene to go to tanning appointment

d.b. of the week

so i am starting a new weekly post - it will be called douche bag (or d.b.) of the week. it will take place every friday to make sure that the entire week and weekend are given fair shots.

that being said, who better to get the inaugural post than one spencer pratt:

spencer is the fiance of heidi montag from 'the hills' and is credited with breaking up heidi and l.c.'s friendship (for those not in the know). spencer is also a renowned douche bag. recently he was quoted by people magazine stating:

"i would do reality tv forever. it's so much cooler to have people come up to me and be like, 'spencer pratt!' and know my name, than to be orlando bloom, who's famous for being some pirate."

right...orlando bloom was just 'some pirate' from some unknown series of movies grossing well over $2 billion in box office revenue...aside from the fact that orlando bloom is WAY hotter than you mr. pratt, you really need to shave those pubes off your face.

so here's to you spencer pratt - you are the original douche bag!

waiting for the closet door to burst open...

how is zac efron not gay???

now, don't get me wrong - i have plenty of friends who are gay and fully support all of their rights in every which way possible. i just think that having one more star come out would help in the continuing efforts of this population.

and really - zac is screaming it from the rooftops in high school musical...i mean come on - his shirt and pants are tighter than mine, his hair is better than mine (he's got a SERIOUS case of man-bangs going on), it looks like he waxes his chest, and i have never seen a man suck down so much coffee as him in my life to stay awake (because lord knows carbs are out of the question!)...

he's got my vote!

love love love her...

okay - so everyone will be happy (cough cough mike & justin cough cough)...i will admit that i could potentially have a woman crush on one ms. charlize theron:

however, the best part of this picture is the strategically placed hand of the gentleman in the background...

she can read?!?!?!

i don't know whether or not i'm more shocked that she can actually read, or that she can read a book i read in the 4th grade...and why is she reading behind in the driver's seat of her car??? hasn't she had enough problems when it comes to her choices behind the wheel???

i bet one of two things happened:

1. barnes & noble was out of the cliffnotes version of the lion, the witch & the wardrobe
2. she thought she picked up the dvd of the lion, the witch & the wardrobe and isn't so much reading as she is looking for the dvd between the pages...

ann coulter is an idiot.

wow - the crap that comes out of this women's mouth in 2007 is AMAZING:



as a non-practicing christian, i will tell you that i am aware that jesus died on the cross to atone for all of our sins, but that doesn't mean that i don't obey the laws of the bible. equally, this does not make me 'perfected' nor do i think that someone jewish isn't already 'perfected' - hell, i'm marrying someone who is jewish!

according to ann, i could walk around the streets of nyc with a chip on my shoulder, apparently much like bi-racial couples do, waiting for someone to challenge me so i could go off on them. thank you donny deutsch for pointing out that perhaps it is her with the chip on her shoulder...one the size of mount rushmore...

$1000 to the first person who can peg her with a bagel and get it on tape.

preggers??? you be the judge!

then:


flat, toned stomach..............check
showing off toned legs..........check
form-fitting clothing.............check

now:

ambiguous stances................check

large flowing dresses.............check

engorged breasts..................check

VERY visible baby bump..........check

now you tell me what you think...

bobby b is at it again

oh bobby brown...when will you learn that crack kills???


bobby is recovering from a minor heart attack that he suffered yesterday afternoon...actually, he suffered chest pains and was rushed to the hospital. by this morning, he was in great spirits and has a great prognosis from his doctors - there was no mention of any findings that a heart attack had occurred.

yeah, crack will do that to you...

probably working on a sympathy deal from the whit-ster since they're due back in court for their on-going divorce towards the end of this month...

lindsay - we miss you...

i know...i know...i haven't posted about la la lindsay in FOREVER!!! this is what happens when celebrities get their s*it together, go to rehab, and - get this - stay in rehab for more than 24 hours...

however, i now understand why she ended up in rehab:

i mean dina is a great role model and all if you're going for that $2 whore in chinatown...other than that, she doesn't have much going for her...

especially now that la la supposedly fired her as her manager. apparently, la la caught wind of her mother's press conferences about an apartment in nyc that la la isn't ever even going to live in...now dina's deal with e! for a reality show staring her and la la may be on the brinks...

you know it's sad when ryan seacrest's employer may dump you...

my inspiration:

tag team

so brit brit had mama bear and slutty sis jamie-lynn fly to her aid over the weekend since she has, apparently, started to realize the depth of the situation she has created...

during an outing, brit brit and j-l were bombarded by paparazzi (not surprising) and the woman on the right who kept screaming at brit that no one wanted her in the neighborhood - she made it unsafe (drug binges will do that) and that she should move the f*ck out.

j-l had had enough and turned on the woman telling her to move the f*ck out of the neighborhood if she didn't like it:

with any other celebrity, i would start the 'jerry...jerry...' chant but brit brit is well beyond that...

she's at the 'jerry...maury...dr. phil...super nanny...oprah...montell williams...ricki...phil donahue...sally jesse raphael...morton downey jr...jenny jones...' level of need...

brit brit's new video

so here's the leak of brit brit's new video:



not surprisingly, its set to trippy lighting/visual effects while brit brit shares time between trying to act like an innocent voyeur and a slutty stripper...

aka - they set up a video camera on a sunday morning in her bedroom.

my piece of advice - save the $ on production costs and go buy yourself a decent weave, k?

oh how the mighty have fallen...

mr. potato head - where did we wrong you? why have you and the mrs. turned to a life of infidelity, crime, and general shenanigans?

exhibit a:



exhibit b:

customs officers discovered nearly 10.5 ounces of ecstasy tablets hidden inside a mr. potato head toy sent to australia from ireland, the agency said thursday.

upon opening the parcel, the officers were greeted with the smiling face of the popular children's toy, which features a potato-like head and removable facial features. but when they removed a panel from the back of the toy, the officers found 10.34 ounces of ecstasy in a plastic bag.

you're in hot water now...

holy toledo!

no, not really...

brit brit loses custody!!!

extra extra...read all about it:

a court has ordered brit brit to give up custody of her children effective wednesday at noon.

kfed and brit brit, here during happier times, have two children.

brit brit's former husband, kfed, is to retain custody of their two sons "until further order of the court," papers from los angeles superior court show.

it was not clear what led to monday's decision awarding kfed full custody. a transcript of the court proceedings was ordered sealed.

i'm going to go out on a limb and say that what lead to the decision was not only the fact that she was photographed driving with the kids in the back seat without a license (her cali one is suspended after her hit and run and her louisiana one expired), but the fact that she sucks as a mother...

just throwing that out there...

love that dirty water...

i'm gonna tell you a story

i'm gonna tell you about my town

i'm gonna tell you a big bad story, baby

aww, it's all about my town

yeah, down by the river

down by the banks of the river charles (aw, that's what's happenin' baby)

that's where you'll find me

along with lovers, fuggers, and thieves (aw, but they're cool people)

well i love that dirty water

oh, boston, you're my home (oh, you're the number one place)

frustrated women (i mean they're frustrated)

have to be in by twelve o'clock (oh, that's a shame)

but i'm wishin' and a-hopin, oh

that just once those doors weren't locked (i like to save time formy baby to walk around)well i love that dirty water

oh, boston, you're my home (oh, yeah)

because i love that dirty water

oh, oh, boston, you're my home (oh, yeah)

well, i love that dirty water (i love it, baby)

i love that dirty water (i love baw-stun)

i love that dirty water (have you heard about the strangler?)

i love that dirty water (i'm the man, i'm the man)

i love that dirty water (owww!)

i love that dirty water (come on, come on)

yay - red sox are al east champions!!!