what a perfect match!!!

although everyone claims that kfed is not jamie lynn's baby's daddy, i don't buy it! the man's sole purpose on this planet is to impregnate women - specifically those of the spears clan...didn't you hear, lynn may be preggers by him too...okay, that may be a bit of a fabrication, but i'm having reminiscent tinglings of the song, 'i'm my own grandpa' in my head...

anywho, here is another bleach blonde who wants a baby...given that kfed is merely touching her, i can say with relative certainty that she is already pregnant with triplets...who she will call tinkerbell, marilyn monroe, and bambi after her dogs.

oh kobe...

as an honor to hall-of-famer jerry west, the los angeles lakers wore vintage uniforms in the first half of their game against the celtics on sunday night. the lakers lost to the celtics 110-91.


most lakers appeared intent on covering the thighs with some longer spandex leggings (aka spanx...as in spanx for wearing something under them!!!). sadly, we have now all been made more aware of kobe's nasty case of chickenlegitis...for which there is no cure.

engaged?!?!?!

now its not so much the fact that kim 'i'm famous for nothing other than my fat ass' kardashian is grinding said ass into reggie 'heisman trophy' bush that intrigues me about this picture (i expect that from trash)...

its more the chick in the gold sequins dress who is looking on in fascination that creeps me out...

p.s. does she look like chyna to anyone else?!?!?!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

a few things to note:

1. i am getting married this year
2. resolution #1: lose about 20 lbs by july
3. i am getting married this year
4. resolution #2: no spending of extraneous $$$
5. did i mention i am getting married this year?
6. resolution #3: grad school grad school grad school
7. i will try to be nicer to everyone...with the exception of celebrities and stupid people

hope everyone had a great new years!!!

dumb laws

a great big thanks to mike for sending me this link. now i have something to do to kill time until lunch. for a preview, here is a list of dumb laws in massachusetts (my current residence) and texas (my home state):

massachusetts:

• it is illegal to give beer to hospital patients
• candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol
• shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings
• at a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches
• snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked
• an old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public
• taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts
• all men must carry a rifle to church on sunday
• hunting on sundays is prohibited
• it is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath
• a woman can not be on top in sexual activities
• no gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car
• tattooing and body piercing is illegal
• children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes
• tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder - take that ny!!!
• quakers and witches are banned
• bullets may not be used as currency
• massachusetts liquor stores can only open on sundays if they are in berkshire, essex, franklin, middlesex or worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the vermont or new hampshire borders
• alcoholic drink specials are illegal
• public boxing matches are outlawed

and now texas:

• one must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office
• it is illegal to sell one's eye
• a program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather
• when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone
• it is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing
• up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos
• it is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel
• it is illegal to milk another person's cow
• a recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed
• homosexual behavior is a misdemeanor offense
• the entire encyclopedia britannica is banned in texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home

stars weaknesses...

so today on people.com they had celebrities' vices around the holidays when it comes to food. take a guess as to what these stars had to say:

• vanessa hudgens
  "i just love _______ and i can't give it up," the high school musical 2 star says. "i find myself eating it all the time, even when i don't want to be. it just appears in my mouth!"

hmmmmmmmmmm...i can only imagine what ms. hudgens has difficulty keeping out of her mouth...

• dana delaney
  wisteria lane's most secretive resident spills on her diet breaker. "i drink a lot of ______, i admit it," delaney says.

you can take several guesses at this one...pretty much anything would foot the bill given hollywood's growing dui list...

• carrie underwood
  the country singer admits to indulging during the holiday season. "expect carrie to put on a few pounds, because i will not deny myself ____________," she says.

putting on a few pounds???...wow - she might actually look like a normal woman then...

• heidi montag
  the hills star admits to a weakness for _______ when dining out with boyfriend spencer 'the original douche bag' pratt. "i just love those!" she says.

hmmmmmmm...another toughie...perhaps fake breasts??? fake personality??? fake smile??? fake anything???

festivus week at work...

so to those who don't know, i have to work this week. yes, every day (save for christmas)...same with next week with the exception of the 1st. needless to say, its been dead here...although given i work in a hospital, that may not be the best depiction...its been really ridiculously slow... so slow, that i have had the following thoughts since monday:

• i am so bored
• i should really file
• my officemate is out so i don't even have anyone to talk to...
• no.one.has.called.me.
• is it 5:00 pm yet?
• i love love love my new longchamp bag!
• i wonder how many games of text twist i can play in an hour???
• b.o.r.e.d.
• everyone at people.com, dlisted, go fug yourself, and perez hilton have the day off so i have no trash to read on celebrities...depressing...
• a sense of fulfillment: i filed!
• and now i'm bored again...
• if a girl wears sweats to work and no one is around to see her, did she really wear sweats???
• ugh...all that's left to eat in the kitchen are leftover candies from people's holidays...if your family didn't want to eat it, neither do i...
• my text twist high score is: 44080...not too shabby
• ooooooooooh...a phone call!!!...and its a telemarketer...BASTARDS!!!
• is it lunchtime yet?
• i wonder if i could read my book at my desk...
• so...many...sales...today...
• i bet my boss is having a bitchin' time on vacation right now...better than my last one...
• another phone call!...and its a wrong number...
• it has only recently come to my attention how much the baptist hospital looks like your typical hollywood insane asylum from the window in my office...
• i want to be home cuddling with mike
• i have way too many gift cards to know what to do with myself...that means shopping this weekend!
• is it the weekend yet?
• i should really clean my office
• i miss new episodes of the office...damn writers strike!!!
• mmmmmmmmm...john krasinski...
• i wish i could teach my cats how to do my job...then i could stay home all day and nap like them
• its only 10:49 am?!?!?!
• no one is here...no one is here...
• phone call!...no i don't know who is covering a specific nurse whom i never work with...
• must.keep.eyes.open.
• i am in physical pain when i'm this bored.
• i wish someone would come to my office so i could eat lunch with them
• why don't i work for a university life half of my friends/relatives so that i automatically get the 21st through the 1st off???
• these next four working days are never going to end...