brit brit, a portrait

stolen coffee mug....................check
stolen book of kabbalah............check
double chin.............................check
nappy hair..............................check
chewed off nails......................check

reminiscing...

so the rumor mill has been working overtime as to whether nkotb (or new kids on the block for all those still living in the stone age) will reunite...

all i have to say is:

on danny
on donnie
on jordan and jonathan
on joey
on groupies
on 90s bad fashion...

god i hope they do...and i hope they bless us all with their musical prowess much like this:

NEW SEGMENT!!!

new and exciting!!!

so justin, in his infinite wisdom, made a comment on one of my posts a little while back questioning where the stars that we loved in the 80s and 90s are now??? that got me thinking...and so i've decided to do a weekly 'where are they now' segment.

first up, dave coulier (aka - uncle joey from full house)

professional life:
up until its cancellation in 1995, dave was best known as uncle jesse on 'full house' however, he also starred in the children's comedy series out of control and hosted 'america's funniest people' and 'opportunity knocks'. continuing with his voice work for cartoon characters, he did voice work in the movie 'yogi bear and the magical flight of the spruce goose' as well as 'felix the cat'.

his acting career included roles in disney channel original movies 'the thirteenth year' and 'the even stevens movie' as well as some work on nickelodeon in the movie 'shredderman rules'. in 2000 he founded his own children's centered entertainment company, 'f3 entertainment'.

he has also had a slew of reality tv show appearances. in 2003 he appeared on the 3rd season of VH1's 'the surreal life' with adrianne curry and chirstopher knight (who would later marry), da brat, chyna doll, marcus schenkenberg, verne troyer and jane wiedlin. in 2006 he appeard on fox's 'skating with the stars' where he was paired with olympic silver medalist nancy kerrigan.

currently, dave finds himself a member of duck's breath mystery theater - a touring comedy troupe as well as host of the series animal kidding. ha has been a kids choice awards host, and stars as mr. byrd in the tv movie shredderman rules which came out last year.

personal life:
dave was married for two years to fashion model jayne modean and together they had one son named luc. dave was alleged to be alanis morissette's first lover and it is widely speculated that he is the man referenced in her bitter song 'you oughta know' (although neither party will confirm this.)

he is also an avid fan of professional hockey, specifically the detroit red wings as was evident on his tenure on 'full house' by his red wings jersey and various red wings posters on uncle joey's bedroom walls. dave was a member of the celebrity all-stars hockey team where he played along side jason priestley, matthew perry, michael j. fox, alan thicke, michael keaton, and richard dean anderson.

if you have someone who you loved to watch as a kid and are wondering what happened to them, let me know...i'll do a little research and get you in the know...

db of the week

behold the douchess bag of the week:

oh mary kate...what were you thinking when you had the masseuse who found heath ledger's body hold off on calling 911?!?!?! didn't you ever pay any attention in health class other than learning how to treat your raging case of herpes??? or perhaps common sense should have dictated that you yell at the masseuse about how much of an idiot she was to call you instead of the police to begin with given that you are in california and she is in nyc... sadly this was not the case as you two nitwits exchanged 4 phone calls before the authorities were every called...you called your own damn security people first and the paramedics had to share the elevator with them!!!

god, you are such a douchess bag!!!

RIP

how reassuring...

it looks like little jamie lynn won't be winning the 'parent of the year' award afterall...

“after several weeks of personal soul searching and talks and discussions with her mom jamie lynn reluctantly agreed that giving up the baby is the right thing to do. lynne says jamie doesn’t understand the life long consequences of having a baby. she still wants her daughter to be able to be a teenager, go to parties, hang out with friends and have a career. so she’ll take the front seat of caring for the baby and take the pressure off her daughter.”

j-l may not understand the life long consequences of having a baby?!?!?! did brit brit teach her NOTHING besides how to open her legs?!?!?! and lynne is worried that j-l won't be able to party...isn't that how this whole fiasco started?!?!?! have no fear, now lynne has a whole new generation to f*ck up!!!

it sucked the first time around...

...and here brit brit is blowing it again...probably literally...



lets just hope, for the sake of the future of our country, that she learns how to close her legs...

going green

so i may or may not have stolen this from julie because i may or may not be stuck at work with the flu with a severe headache and a severe lack of creative juices...



i myself walk and take the t to work - what do you do to help the environment???

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blah...

i really have nothing exciting, new, or interesting to say...i was just sick and tired of having mischa barton's face be the first thing i see every time i opened my blog...

douche bag of the week strikes back!!!

so sorry to not have updated my weekly 'douche bag of the week' spot in forever...i know its a personal favorite of some of you. but be sad no more, it is b.a.c.k.

this week's douche bag is actually a douchess bag...

behold! mischa barton at her finest!:

this would be the mug shot from when mischa was pulled over and subsequently arrested for dui. mischa had this to say about the incident,

"obviously i'm 100 percent responsible for my actions in this case, i'm really disappointed in myself. i don't know what to say about it, except that i'm not perfect, and i just don't ever intend to do something this stupid again."

wow - what is the newfound thing in hollywood called 'responsibility for ones actions' and when will it be hitting the main stream?!?!?! and when did hollywood starlets start admitting that they aren't perfect??? i must have missed this news flash as i was probably too engrossed in looking at a picture of brit brit in a hot pink wig scarfing down some cheetos...

seriously though, there are way too many fatalities due to dui's. there were 16,885 alcohol-related fatalities in 2005 – 39 percent of the total traffic fatalities for the year - that is ridiculous...16,885 fatalities?!?!?! does this number not lend itself to hollywood? do they not see this as an issue??? 16,885 fatalities would wipe out the entire town that i went to h.s. in...

alms for the poor...

oh mary kate...i thought you had more than enough money to prohibit you from resorting to pan-handling on the mean streets of nyc...

alas, this does not seem to be the case:

glad to see that whole 'bo-ho chic' thing you and ashley had going on has been replaced with '90s-plaid-wearing-boot-wearing-cigarette-smoking-homeless-angry-femme' look.

horse-face strikes again!!!

so the on-again-off-again relationship between heidi 'the horse-face' montag and spencer 'the original douche bag of the week' pratt seems to be back on again...at least that's how they played it up for the paps on a recent vacation to cabos. here, douche bag attempts to show everyone how strong he is:

i do give him some credit since horse-face's new and improved breasts add about 10 lbs to her frame, but he seems to be doing an awful lot of straining...

and do you see the look on horse-face's face??? this can only mean one thing............

she just did the world a favor and farted all over douche bag.

one of the great speakers of our time

j.ho is in next month's issue of bazaar magazine where she gives some insight to her pregnancy:

'i kind of feel like everybody knew anyway,' the singer tells harper's bazaar for its february issue. 'i was on tour with a bubble gut!'

a bubble gut...interesting...i'm sure the wee ones will be especially appreciative of that one in a few years...

some things never change...

you would think that in light of the most recent events in the life of brit brit, someone would have told her to lay low/stay indoors/put a leash on her...

however this does not seem to be the case:

• no bra...................................check
• double chin.............................check
• no seat belt............................check
• nasty unwashed hair................check
• $2 earrings from claire's............check
• video of her in nothing but a men's shirt on a hotel balcony bending over to feed her pap-boyfriend a fudgesicle not more than 12 hours after release from the hospital.............check
• in one of her other 7 cars since her legendary white mercedes has been impounded after she left it in the middle of the street because it broke down on her................................check

a blast from the past...

so back when i was growing up...before the likes of brit brit, pair pair, and la la lindsay...it was a time of peace, merriment, and solidarity...

it was a time of american gladiators.

now this tradition has come back to us in the form of...........american gaydiators.

behold: titan - american gaydiator!!!

or maybe that's roger clemens during the height of his hgh addiction???

gettin' schmedumacated

well its nice to know one of them is going to be educated...

here is j.l. walking around with mommy dearest with a ged book in her hand:

maybe she can tutor sis on 'how not to lose your mind in 10 days'...

p.r.e.g.g.e.r.s.

well its nice to see one bleach blonde who is pregnant, above the age of 26, and married...

check out that baby bump!!!:

i think i have bigger bumps after a big meal...

art imitating life...

i know brit brit just came out with a new album recently, but i have the perfect album cover for her when she comes out with her next lp. all you have to do is vote on the title of the album:

• 'you drive me crazy: in the literal sense y'all'
• 'oops i broke my probation again'
• 'i'm a slave in a straight jacket'
• 'hit the padded wall one more time'
• 'mentally mind-fu*ked by frappuccinos and cheetos'
• 'CRACKed in two y'all'
• 'gimmie gimmie lithium'
• 'i'm not a girl, not yet a grandmother'
• 'she's so lucky she's a crazy slave 4 Ur toxic love...y'all'

halt the presses!!!

brit brit was taken into custody via ambulance and a hospital trip last night! she remains hospitalized at cedars-sinai medical center, but here's the latest footage of the pop star late last night. brit brit was taken to the hospital strapped to a gurney shortly after midnight friday morning after authorities had earlier arrived at the residence to intervene in a custody dispute between brit brit and her ex-husband, kfed. there, authorities determined that brit brit was under the influence of an unknown substance.

beauty queen gone bad...

a former beauty queen has been accused of kidnapping, biting and threatening a former boyfriend with a handgun.

law school student kumari fulbright, 25, faces a long prison sentence if convicted of kidnapping, armed robbery, aggravated robbery and two counts of aggravated assault.

fulbright, who competed for the miss arizona title in 2005 and 2006, features in a 2008 calendar in which bikini-clad women pose with guns. she recently completed a stint working for a federal judge.

behold ms. december:

she is accused of holding and torturing her 24-year-old ex-boyfriend in early december with the help of three other men.

it is believed the dispute began when her ex-boyfriend was accused of stealing jewellery given to fulbright by another former boyfriend, robert ergonis, 44, who is one of the three men accused of helping in the kidnap plot.

the men allegedly bound the victim with plastic ties and duct tape and threatened him with a gun. fulbright is then accused of biting the man on his forearm, right hand and ear, holding a knife to his head and telling him she was going to kill him.

he managed to escape after freeing a hand and grabbing the gun, which discharged, causing no harm.

a police complaint said the suspects stole the victim's wallet, some money, his mobile phone and briefcase.

fulbright was freed from custody after a $50,000 bond was posted.

and now her new head shot:

nice one methface.

overpriced?

looks like pair-pair's hourly rate went up to (count em): $7!!!

boston weather

current conditions as of 8:54 am est:

• fair
• feels like: -10°
• barometer: 30.47 in and rising
• humidity: 43%
• visibility: 10 mi
• dewpoint: -7°
• wind: nw 18 mph
• sunrise: 7:13 am
• sunset: 4:24 pm
• current temperature: 8°
• high: 18° low: 9°

can someone please please please explain to me why the temperature is stated to be 8° but feels like -10°? if it feels like -10° then its bloody -10°!!!

also, how is it possible for it to currently be 8° but our low for the day is 9°???

i need to move to tahiti...

what a perfect match!!!

although everyone claims that kfed is not jamie lynn's baby's daddy, i don't buy it! the man's sole purpose on this planet is to impregnate women - specifically those of the spears clan...didn't you hear, lynn may be preggers by him too...okay, that may be a bit of a fabrication, but i'm having reminiscent tinglings of the song, 'i'm my own grandpa' in my head...

anywho, here is another bleach blonde who wants a baby...given that kfed is merely touching her, i can say with relative certainty that she is already pregnant with triplets...who she will call tinkerbell, marilyn monroe, and bambi after her dogs.

oh kobe...

as an honor to hall-of-famer jerry west, the los angeles lakers wore vintage uniforms in the first half of their game against the celtics on sunday night. the lakers lost to the celtics 110-91.


most lakers appeared intent on covering the thighs with some longer spandex leggings (aka spanx...as in spanx for wearing something under them!!!). sadly, we have now all been made more aware of kobe's nasty case of chickenlegitis...for which there is no cure.

engaged?!?!?!

now its not so much the fact that kim 'i'm famous for nothing other than my fat ass' kardashian is grinding said ass into reggie 'heisman trophy' bush that intrigues me about this picture (i expect that from trash)...

its more the chick in the gold sequins dress who is looking on in fascination that creeps me out...

p.s. does she look like chyna to anyone else?!?!?!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

a few things to note:

1. i am getting married this year
2. resolution #1: lose about 20 lbs by july
3. i am getting married this year
4. resolution #2: no spending of extraneous $$$
5. did i mention i am getting married this year?
6. resolution #3: grad school grad school grad school
7. i will try to be nicer to everyone...with the exception of celebrities and stupid people

hope everyone had a great new years!!!