sometimes you just have to dance...

YES WE CAN!!!

so this was initially written as a guest post for julie, but i thought, what the heck, i haven't posted in, oh, FOREVER...so i'll throw it up here too...

as many of you may have heard, we have a new president-elect…it is kind of a big deal in that we seem to have finally broken the racial barrier as to the leader of our country. mind you, there is still a lot of work to be done, but we are FINALLY headed in the right direction!!!

i woke up first thing tuesday excited to have my voice heard –this is the third presidential election that i have been able to cast my vote – that makes me feel old. i did vote in the previous two but alas, like ben affleck, whomever i voiced my support for seemed to lose…(sorry gore & kerry). i may not have as an emotional story as julie (which was a moving one), but the same excitement coursed through my veins as i walked with my husband to our polling station at 7:00 am. i am proud to say the nation finally seemed to agree with me and we did it. :o)

so what to me is the most exciting thing about having a first family that is adorable, compassionate, hardworking, dedicated (not only to the nation, but with one another), and down to earth? the fact that in his acceptance speech barack promised his little girls a dog for the white house.

to those who may now know, i am a HUGE animal lover (and thank goodness massachusetts voted to ban dog racing). this promise prompted me to start a list of possible names for the first pooch. they are as follows:

• mobama
• change
• trigger
• cali(fornia)
• hope
• virginia
• equality
• florida
• hillary
• russia
• fred (armisen)
• and my personal favorite: maverick


thoughts???


p.s. i think it's about time that microsoft word starts to recognize barack obama…make sure you add it to your dictionary…

abandonment never goes over well...

(quite long - go to 6:36 if you don’t want to watch the whole thing)

insert inappropriate caption as needed...

grey's 'anatomy' indeed...

indecision 2008

my new favorite book...

101 Things I learned from wedding planning...

1. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do. This is not to say that friends and family don't have any vested interest, they would just like to be able to hold a conversation with you that isn't centered on the 'Big Day'.

2. Don’t rush your engagement – take your time planning.

3. That being said, it is NEVER too early to start planning!

4. OCD and anal retentiveness (especially to details) pays off, but...

5. Don't be afraid to ask for help!

6. Much like your husband/wife, choose your wedding party carefully!!!

7. Even if you follow #6 to the best of your ability, be prepared for a rogue groomsman or a space-shot bridesmaid…

8. Assume that, inevitably, something will go wrong.

9. Be able to laugh at yourself.

10. REMAIN CALM - there are some things that you just can't foresee/control.

11. Remember that, regardless of what happens or doesn't happen, at the end of the day you will be married and that is what really matters.

12. Be frugal where you can, but spend $ on things that are worth it (photographer, honeymoon, hotels, etc.).

13. HAVE FUN!!!

14. If you are getting married in the Atlanta area (or are willing to hire an AMAZING photographer and fly him to you), hire this guy.

15. Communication with everyone – wedding party, wedding planner, vendors, etc. - is PARAMOUNT!

16. Be concise in your decisions and stick by them.

17. Compromise is key, but have some sticking points you are not willing to budge on.

18. BREATHE.

19. If you have a relative who you know to get a bit over the top, out of control, or generally obnoxious, warn everyone…

20. And when you think you have warned them enough…warn them again because, really, you can’t stress this enough…

21. And when said relative (for instance your aunt who, hypothetically of course, happens to be a cougar), hits on every living and breathing thing with a penis who gets within 10 feet of her, you can say, “I told you so”.

22. Wedding dress shopping is one of the most fun, stressful, aggravating and amazing experiences you will ever go through – enjoy every minute of it!

23. On the same note, take someone with you who you trust to be brutally honest with you.

24. Try your best to choose bridesmaid dresses that are flattering to all figures.

25. Try your best to choose bridesmaid dresses that they can wear again.

26. Keep weather, temperatures, and wind in mind when making decisions as to dates and times of ceremonies and receptions.

27. Be gracious.

28. At your reception spend as much time as you feel necessary schmoozing with your guests – they have traveled near and far to share in your joy…

29. And, if possible, try to spend a bit of extra time with your out-of-town guests.

30. EAT AT YOUR WEDDING!!! A good site will base the meal off of you anyway, but in the event that they don’t keep in mind that no one likes a bride or groom who passes out…

31. DRINK PLENTY OF H2O – see above for reason.

32. Take a moment to yourself to look around the day of – the day will fly by and become a blur.

33. Make a game plan/checklist/calendar of everything you need to do – it is the easiest way to make sure you don’t forget anything.

34. Have your wedding near a Macy’s – they have everything in stock that someone in the wedding party may forget…especially brown shoes and brown belts when a groomsman brings black.

35. Don’t share everything with everyone – surprises are good.

36. If a small detail doesn’t go as planned or is overlooked don’t fret – you’re probably the only one who knows it’s wrong/forgotten.

37. Don’t worry about taking your own photos – EVERYONE else will be taking them and send you copies/links.

38. SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE!!!

39. Have someone tape the ceremony/speeches (if you didn’t hire a videographer) – you will want this for yourself.

40. Understand one thing: YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE WEATHER!!!

41. Use key rings instead of real rings in the ring bearer’s pillow.

42. If your flower girl/ring bearer is under the age of 6 expect anything – we got lucky in that both of ours rocked (save for the ring bearer taking a slight detour down the aisle – but no crying, screaming, breaking down, etc.).

43. Something homemade adds a touch of character – as long as it doesn’t look cheap.

44. I do not know a single couple who consummated their marriage on their wedding night – every movie/TV show is a total cliché as you will be so ridiculously tired that the mere thought of making sweet sweet love will cause you to pass out (I personally fell asleep with the TV remote in hand watching the news)…and if I do know you and you are reading this and you did consummate your marriage the first night, I don’t want to know.

45. Which brings me to my next lesson learned – you will be totally out of touch with what is going on in the world for at least 3 days.

46. Being superstitious is ok – just don’t be neurotic about it.

47. You are going to have hundreds, if not thousands, of photos taken of you – don’t worry about the ones that are not flattering of you…

48. When choosing your meal(s) for dinner keep in mind that while this is your wedding and you should get dishes you enjoy, everyone has to eat them.

49. Getting drunk the night before the wedding is not recommended…

50. A night cap is.

51. COMFORTABLE SHOES ARE KEY!!! I wore flip-flops.

52. Having a friend do your makeup will save you a bundle of $$$...and it’s a bonus when she’s FANTASTIC at it.

53. If you can find someone willing to come to you to do your hair – take them up on the offer – its better then trying to get everyone to a salon where you will have that many more distractions.

54. Pack yourself an ‘emergency kit’ which you can keep on you (include the following: band-aids, Tylenol, Advil, breath mints, etc.).

55. Schedule post-wedding massages – you will need them!!!

56. You don’t have to do every tradition out there (there are literally hundreds), but it is nice to incorporate a few…

57. Especially the ‘Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue’ (which for me were: my grandmother’s pearls incorporated in the stems of my bouquet, my dress and the pearls I wore were new, I borrowed a dollar from my sister which I still have…so as of right now it is my ‘something stolen’, and my something blue was my garter belt…which a 21 year old kid who I used to coach caught…which is creepy).

58. As an addendum to #57, be creative and start a new tradition that you can pass along to your children and grandchildren.

59. When your mother says, “Well now that you’re married, you can start to give me grandchildren” glare at her…glare at her a lot…

60. Take a few moments after the ceremony to spend with your new husband/wife to catch your breath before the mayhem begins.

61. Be prepared for your cheeks to hurt from smiling – but you still won’t be able to stop.

62. Be willing to drop a bit of $ on a nice bottle of champagne to have for your toasts.

63. Two words that will be your undoing, but appreciated by all: OPEN BAR.

64. Be prompt in writing ‘Thank you’ notes.

65. If doing a chair dance, keep the following in mind:
• ceiling heights
• heights of the bride & groom
• heights and strength of the people hoisting you and holding you up
• chandeliers

66. BE ON TIME!!!

67. If you are getting ready on-site, pop out of the bridal suite once and a while to see how preparations are going – its fun to watch the progress.

68. Design your own cake.

69. Candy bars (as in a spread of candy, not a single bar of one kind of candy) are a great way to satiate everyone’s palate for treats.

70. Pick tasty hors d’oeuvres.

71. Make sure you have reserved seating for grandparents, close relatives, and close friends at the front of the ceremony.

72. Although it was easy for us, the seating chart can become the bane of your existence.

73. Excel spreadsheets (or Access if you can handle it) are the best way to keep a log of address, RSVP, gifts received, etc.

74. Go tanning – no one wants to be the same color as their dress.

75. On the same note, don't try to change your ethnicity for the 'Big Day' - you still want to look like you.

76. Be thoughtful in your thank you gifts and cards to your attendants and parents.

77. Read about other wedding day disasters – no matter what may have gone wrong at yours, they probably can’t hold a light to others…

78. When going in for your last fitting, see if the bridal shop is able to add a stain-retardant spray to your dress just in case…

79. If you do spill anything (and God forbid its red wine), make sure you have this stuff handy!!!

80. Taking dance lessons is great, but you can also learn pretty much anything and everything on YouTube…

81. Don’t be afraid to let loose on the dance floor – you will have worked long and hard and should enjoy every moment…

82. I found doing the chicken wing expressed how I was feeling at the time.

83. Have a few days between the wedding and the honeymoon – this will cut back on rushing to do everything and allow you to spend a bit more time with friends and family before you leave.

84. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, HAVE A THEME WEDDING!!!

85. Welcome bags for out-of-town guests are a wonderfully thoughtful touch.

86. Pack everything that you are going to be taking with you to your wedding a few days in advance – this will avoid rushing around and potentially forgetting anything.

87. When packing for the wedding (other than your gown and the tux/suit) – pack pajamas – all you will want to do post-wedding is sleep…

88. …and eat – so pack some ‘fat pants’ too.

89. Although I was lucky and didn’t have this problem, don’t let others thoughts or opinions cloud your judgment on the ‘Big Day’…you will most likely be stressed enough as it is…

90. Keep up a good front of being calm, cool, and collected – I was all three for the most part all day and the small moments of stress weren’t so bad since I was already relaxed.

91. Find out if any bets are being placed as to who, if anyone, is going to cry first…get in on the bet and throw it in your favor.

92. Speaking of which, make sure the Best Man and/or Maid-of-Honor have tissues handy for the waterworks…

93. Make sure you spend some time with you significant other at the wedding – you’d be surprised how easy it is for the two of you to get separated when schmoozing.

94. Take into consideration those people who tell you to just elope to Vegas…they may be on to something…

95. Make sure you immediately deposit all checks and cash you receive - it’s easy to lose them in the melee...

96. Go to the bathroom before you put on your gown!!!

97. If any of the wedding party is getting ready off-site, make sure that they take at least two to three cars in the event one breaks down.

98. When hiring a DJ, make sure that they have an array of music for all ages and tastes.

99. Don’t forget to have the marriage license signed...speaking from personal experience here...

100. Don’t forget to spell everything correctly on the license...also from personal experience.

101. Forget all of this advice and just hire me as your wedding planner…

it almost makes me want to vote for her...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

???s

so i find that i am more bored than normal at work...hard to believe, i know.

so, if you have a question (or questions) for me, ask away...i will try to answer them as candidly and wittily as possible...

she must not be 'psychologically normal'

a couple of hilarious voicemails (above) from a mega-douche named dimitri are currently making the internet rounds. it all started when d-bag dimitri met the "elegant" olga outside of a bar in san francisco. elegant olga made the mistake of giving him her business card...



what did we learn kids??? if you're in s.f. and a greek guy named dimitri approaches you RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

wedding facts 101

if the throngs of crazed customers clutching registry printouts at the crate & barrel are any indication, wedding season is once again upon us.

before you head off to the next joyous union on your jam-packed calendar, why not take a moment to reflect on rich history of marriage celebrations and revel in the realization that weddings are, at their core, incredibly bizarre.

the white wedding dress
technically, today's wedding gowns aren't white. they are "candlelight," "warm ivory," "ecru" or "frost." but there was a time when a bride's wedding attire was simply the best thing in her closet (talk about "off the rack"), and could be any color, even black.

to convince her groom that she came from a wealthy family, brides would also pile on layers of fur, silk and velvet, as apparently grooms didn't care if his wife-to-be reeked of sweaty b.o. as long as she was loaded.

it was dear ol' queen victoria (whose reign lasted from 1837-1901) who made white fashionable. she wore a pale gown trimmed in orange blossoms for her 1840 wedding to her first cousin, prince albert.
hordes of royal-crazed plebeians immediately began to copy her, which is an astonishing feat considering that "people magazine" wasn't around to publish the super exclusive wedding photos, or instruct readers on how to steal vicki's hot wedding style.

giving away the bride
remember that women's studies class you considered taking in college? allow us to summarize what you would have learned: all of our society's gender issues stem from the fact that fathers once used their daughters as currency to a) pay off a debt to a wealthier land owner, b) symbolize a sacrificial, monetary peace offering to an opposing tribe or c) buy their way into a higher social strata.

so next time you tear up watching a beaming father walk his little girl down the aisle, remember that it's just a tiny, barbaric little hold over from the days when daughters were nothing but dollar signs to daddy dearest.

and that veil she's wearing? yeah, that was so the groom wouldn't know if he was stuck with an uggo until it was time to kiss the bride and too late to back out on the transaction. (there is also some superstitious b.s. about warding off evil spirits, but we think you'll agree that hiding a busted grill from the husband-to-be is a more practical purpose.)

the wedding party
talk about your runaway brides -- the original duty of a "best man" was to serve as armed backup for the groom in case he had to resort to kidnapping his intended bride away from disapproving parents. the "best" part of that title refers to his skill with a sword, should the need arise. (you wouldn't want to take the "just okay" member of your weapon-wielding posse with you to steal yourself a wife, would you?)

the best man stands guard next to the groom right up through the exchange of vows (and later, outside the newlyweds' bedroom door), just in case anyone should attack or if a non-acquiescent bride should try to make a run for it.

it's said that feisty groups like the huns, goths and visigoths took so many brides by force that they kept a cache of weapons stored beneath the floorboards of churches for convenience. modern-day best men are more likely to store an emergency six-pack at the ceremony for convenience, but the title remains an apt one.

ladies -- believe it or not -- the concept of the bridesmaid's gown was not invented to inflict painful dowdiness upon the bride's friends and female relatives thus making the bride look hotter by comparison.

historically, that dress you'll never wear again was actually selected with the purpose of tricking the eye of evil spirits and jealous ex-lovers (spicy!). brides' faithful attendants were instructed to wear a dress similar to that of the bride so that during their group stroll to the church it would be hard for any ill-willed spirits or former boy-toys to spot the bride and curse/kidnap/throw rocks at her. (ditto for the boys in matching penguin suits, saving the groom from a similar fate.)

garter and bouquet toss
this pair of rituals has long been the scourge of the modern wedding guest. what could possibly be more humiliating than being forced out to the center of a parquet dance floor and being expected to demonstrate your desperation by diving for flying flowers?

how about grasping in the air for a lacy piece of undergarment that until moments ago resided uncomfortably close to the crotch of your buddy's wife? at any other point in time, that would make you seem wildly creepy. so why is it acceptable at a wedding?

it used to be that after the bride and groom said, "i do," they were to go immediately into a nearby room and consummate the marriage. obviously, to really make it official, there would need to be witnesses, which basically led to hordes of wedding guests crowding around the bed, pushing and shoving to get a good view and hopefully to get their hands on a lucky piece of the bride's dress as it was ripped from her body.

sometimes the greedy guests helped get the process going by grabbing at the bride's dress as she walked by, hoping for a few threads of good fortune. in time, it seems, people realized that this was all a bit, well... creepy, and it was decided that for modesty's sake the bride could toss her bouquet as a diversion as she made her getaway and the groom could simply remove an item of the bride's undergarments and then toss it back outside to the waiting throngs to prove that he was about to, uh, seal the deal.

something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue (and a sixpence in my shoe?)
a common theme that you've no doubt noticed throughout this post: humans used to be a superstitious bunch. this rhyming phrase neatly lists a number of english customs dating back to the victorian age which, when worn in combination, should bring the bride oodles of fabulous good luck.
the something old was meant to tie the bride to her family and her past, while the something new represented her new life as the property of a new family. the item borrowed was supposed to be taken from someone who was already a successfully married wife, so as to pass on a bit of her good fortune to the new bride. the color blue stood for all sorts of super fun things like faithfulness, loyalty, and purity. the sixpence, of course, was meant to bring the bride and her new groom actual, cold, hard fortune.

just in case that wasn't enough, brides of yore also carried bunches of herbs (which most brides now replace with expensive, out-of-season peonies) to ward off evil spirits.

saving the wedding cake
why do couples eat freezer-burned wedding cake on their one-year anniversary? to answer this, we must look to the lyrics of a schoolyard classic: first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage! it used to be assumed that when there was a wedding, a christening would follow shortly. so, rather than bake two cakes for the occasions, they'd just bake one big one and save a part of it to be eaten at a later date when the squealing bundle of joy arrived.

eventually folks warmed to the idea of giving the poor kid his own, newly baked cake, but the custom of saving a portion of the wedding cake far longer than it should be saved and then eating it and deluding oneself to believe that it actually tastes good is one that persists to this day.

M.I.A.

helloooooooooooo world!!!

yes, i am alive...breathing, heart beating, eyes wide open...all of those wonderful things associated with being vital!!! so i cannot apologize enough for my disappearance...i do have some very legitimate reasons though: my brother finished law school and was admitted to the bar, i have been hitting the gym, i was working 3 jobs, i am getting married in 31 days...

whoa...what?!?!?!

yes, you read that correctly...in exactly one month and i will be off the market...FOREVER!!!

now that really isn't as scary as i make it out to be since i have been with my fiance, mike whom you all have met, since 2003 and have known him since 2001...not to mention that we have been living together since 2004. so, really nothing will change beyond my last name.

this brings up a few thoughts on my impending nuptials:

1. when a man proposes, he really shouldn't ask, 'will you marry me'? it should be more of a, 'will you go into debt up to your eyeballs with me'?
2. i have known mike for a really long time
3. somehow, he isn't sick of me yet and wants to sign a long-term deal
4. i am super organized and have had a list the length of my arm of the things i still need to do before 'the big day' which i have been crossing things off of for the past 6 weeks...and i still have SO MUCH TO DO!!!
5. do you know how much of a pain in the a** it is to change your last name?!?!?! first you have to visit your local social security office (which does not have hours other than the hours i work - and did i mention that i have NO vacation time since the wedding and honeymoon will be gobbling it all up?) with your marriage license (which will take a few weeks to arrive in the mail). then you have to go get a new license...which is another trip to the oh-so-friendly DMV during the same hours i work. then i have to go to HR and let them know it is changing (technically i jumped the gun on this one and they have already processed it changing as of the date of our wedding...oops). then you need to let all of your credit card companies, banks, doctors offices, etc. know. plus i have to get a new passport. then i have to get used to introducing myself as mrs. frank...writing it, signing it, etc. and to think, he gets off scott free...
6. maybe once my wedding is over and done with (don't mind me, i really am looking forward to it...but at this point i am very much looking forward to drinking fruity beverages of the alcoholic nature on a white sand beach out of the fruit of my choosing) i can focus on getting back to school and getting my career on track rather than wasting my days and life away sitting in front of my computer hating my life...

any advice for me on the upcoming day???

what we all missed today while slaving away at work:

top ten

gmail chats with mike...

*this is in response to me posting a comment about how i did not deserve to be tased*

me: check your facebook wall
michael: well, you sucker punched me!
me: whatever
michael: 'W'
oh, you also threw a pregnancy test at me, but that's all
oh, and EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
me: ew what?
michael: throwing a pregnancy test?
me: sweetheart if that grosses you out remind me not to let you in the room during the actual delivery
michael: there are grosser things in the world, i just don't need to thrown at me!
icky
me: fine, i'll throw afterbirth at you so you can appreciate how minimal a pregnancy test is
michael: that's even ickier
me: see, a pregnancy test isn't so bad now, is it?
michael: whatever, tasing isn't that bad either
no bruises or anything
me: right, it could only kill me
michael: if improperly used
me: but god forbid you get a small bit of urine on you
i'm going to go out on a limb and assume that you don't know the proper way to use one
michael: seriously, i could get an infection & die
i practice every day
me: christ you're a drama queen

'where are they?' wednesday

so back to my 'where are they now?' segment (which i have decided to turn into a weekly event on wednesdays...hence the title all you smarties out there...).

this one is for julie so that she can prove timmy wrong:

brad barron renfro (a.k.a. the kid from 'the client')

then:

now:

*dead from an apparent overdose of heroin and morphine

brad made his movie debut in 1994 in the title role of 'the client'. he acted in 21 movies, several short films, and one television episode during his career. much of his later career was marred by a pattern of substance abuse until his death on january 15, 2008.

brad was born in knoxville, tn, the son of angela and mark renfro, who was a factory worker. he was raised from the age of five by his paternal grandmother, joanne barron renfro, a church secretary. he fathered one child, a son named y(amato) renfro, born in 2003. the boy lives in japan with his mother.

renfro was discovered by mali finn, a casting director, when he was ten. his only previous acting experience was as a dealer in an anti-drugs workshop school production. cast by finn for schumacher's 'the client', renfro acted alongside susan sarandon and tommy lee jones. based on the bestselling john grisham novel, it became one of the top-grossing films of 1994. in 1995, he won hollywood reporter's 'young star' award, and was nominated as one of people's 'top 30 under 30.' that year, he played huck finn in 1995's tom and huck with jonathan taylor thomas.

in 1996, he was cast in 'sleepers', based on the novel by lorenzo carcaterra. the film was directed by barry levinson and also starred robert de niro, kevin bacon, dustin hoffman, and brad pitt.

in 1998, he starred opposite ian mckellen in 'apt pupil', directed by bryan singer. renfro went on to act in other films, including 2001's 'ghost world', 2002's 'confessions of an american girl' (in which he played a gay teenager), 'bully', and 2005's 'the jacket'. he also appeared in an episode of 'law & order: criminal intent' and completed filming on the unreleased film 'the informers', co-starring winona ryder and billy bob thornton.

in december 2005, he was arrested by lapd officers during an undercover drug sweep of downtown's skid row and was charged with attempted possession of heroin. a photograph showing him in handcuffs made the front page of the los angeles times. renfro admitted to a detective that he was using heroin and methadone. in court, he pleaded guilty to the charges, and was sentenced to three years' probation. in 2006, he spent 10 days in jail for convictions of driving while under the influence and attempted heroin possession. in june 2007, a judge found him to have violated his probation by not enrolling in a long-term drug treatment program. he subsequently went into a drug rehabilitation program.

renfro was found dead on january 15, 2008 in his l.a. apartment. on february 8, 2008, the l.a. county coroner's office ruled that renfro's death was accidental, attributing it to acute heroin/morphine intoxication.

his body was returned to east tennessee, where he was buried on january 22, 2008 north of knoxville, at red house cemetery in the small community of blaine.

less than two weeks later, his grandmother joanne – who had raised him and accompanied him regularly during his early acting career – died at her home at the age of 76. local officials stated that she died of natural causes.

i <3 the 80s too...

you know i love the 90s, but there are some things sacred from the 80s...such as teen witch:

god, i'm O-L-D!!!

you're a 90's kid if:

• you can sing the rap to 'the fresh prince of bel air'.
• you know that 'woah' comes from joey from 'blossom' and that 'how rude!' comes from stephanie from 'full house'.
• you remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a saturday to watch cartoons.
• you remember reading 'goosebumps'.
• you know the profound meaning of 'wax on, wax off'.
• you took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
• you made paper scrunchies to see who you'd end up marrying
• you danced to 'wannabe' by the spice girls, females: had a new motto, males: got a whole lot gay-er. (so tell me what you want, what you really really want).
• you remember the craze, then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
• you still get the urge to say 'not' after (almost) every sentence...not...
• where in the world is carmen san diego? was both a game and a tv game show.
• captain planet.
• you knew that kimberly, the pink ranger, and tommy, the green ranger were meant to be together.
• you remember when super nintendos became popular.
• you remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on iintruders'.
• 'i've fallen and i can't get up'.
• you remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
• you remember new kids on the block when they were cool.
• you knew all the characters names and their life stories on 'saved by the bell'.
• you played and/or collected 'pogs'.
• you had at least one tamagotchi, gigapet or nano and brought it everywhere.
• you watched the original care bears, my little pony, and ninja turtles.
• nancy drew and the hardy boys were the best myster books.
• yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!
• all your school supplies were 'lisa frank' brand.(pencils, notebooks, binders, etc.).
• you remember when the new beanie babies were always sold out.
• you used to wear those stick on earrings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
• you've gotten creeped out by 'are you afraid of the dark?'
• you know the macarena by heart.
• 'talk to the hand' ... enough said.
• you thought brain would finally take over the world.
• you always said, 'then why don't you marry it!'
• you remember when everyone went slinky crazy.
• you remember when razor scooters were cool.
• when we were younger: before the myspace frenzy...before the internet & text messaging...before sidekicks & ipods...before playstation2 or x-box......
• back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
• when light up sneakers were cool.
• when you rented vhs tapes, not dvds.
• when gas was $0.95 a gallon & caller id was a new thing.
• when we recorded stuff on vcrs & paid $3.50 for a movie.
• when we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.
• when the chicago bulls were the best team ever.
• tag.
• get over here!!!! means something to you.
• hide-n-go seek at dusk.
• red light, green light.
• heads up 7 up.
• playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.
• hopskotch.
• tree houses.
• hula hoops.
• hello......hot wheels!!!
• running through the sprinklers.
• that 'little Mermaid'.
• crying when mufasa died in the lion king.
• happy meals where you chose a barbie or a hot wheels car.
• getting the privilege to sit in the front seat of the car.
• drinking sqeeze it 'squeeze the fun out of it'.
• hey arnold.
• rugrats.
• the secret world of alex mac.
• rocco's modern life.
• are you afraid of the dark?
• doug.
• magic school bus.
• aladdin.
• pinky and the brain.
• sailor moon.
• punky brewster.
• blossom.
• beavis & butt-head.
• wishbone.
• bill nye the science guy.
• mr. rodgers!!!!
• where everyone wanted to be in love after watching the wonder years.
• under the umbrella tree
• pee-wee!!!
• the big comfy couch.
• kool-aid was the drink of choice.
• class field trips.
• when christmas was the most exciting time of year.
• when $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
• when you begged to go to mcdonalds for dinner everyday.
• when toys r us overuled the mall.
• decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.
• money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'monopoly.'
• being old referred to anyone over 20.
• a chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.
• when ninja turtles ruled the world.
• when aladdin was new.
• before the trilogy was complete.
• before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much???

d.b. of the week

this week's d.b. of the week is...(drum roll)...

raffaello follieri - anne hathaway's italian boy toy of four years:

the italian property developer was arrested yesterday and charged with trying to pass a bad check, a nypd spokesman said. the check was for around $250,000, as ordered by a washington, d.c., court to pay a public-relations firm $250,000 for work done on his behalf. last year, the wall street journal reported on billionaire ron burkle's lawsuit against follieri for allegedly squandering $1.3 million in business funds to support his extremely lavish lifestyle. follieri denied any wrongdoing.

in february 2007, hathaway told london's sunday times that follieri was a positive influence who helped bring her out of a lengthy depression. 'he's brought out so many positive attributes,' she said. 'before i met him, i wasted so much time. i was just annoying and narcissistic and smelled bad. he's protective without being possessive, passionate without needing to show his temper.'

yeah, well you're still annoying, narcissistic, and i can only imagine how bad you smell...glad to see he's done nothing for you annie...

where are they now???

so i posted only once before for my 'where are they now???' segment but i have a long list of stars who fall into this category from my childhood. therefore, i will begin to make this a much more regular occurrence (especially since i am stuck on bored right now at work).

next up: the robot from small wonder aka tiffany brissette:

then:


birth name: tiffany michelle brissette

tiffany began her 'career' at the very young age of 2 years old. her mother entered her in many pageants and talent competitions during her young life. that led to television voice-over work and many commercial appearances which included, 'care bears', 'florida orange juice', 'ibm', 'jell-o puddin' pops' appearing with bill cosby) and many others.

tiffany was given a career boost after appearing in 'a perfect day for banana fish' with bob hope, and was highly encouraged by her peers to pursue television as a career. her biggest success she shared, was the role as the child robot 'v.i.c.i.' on fox's 1980's successful show, 'small wonder' (1985) which had a popular run from 1985-89. she beat out candance cameron and heather o'rourke for the role.

after 'small wonder' ended, she made various television appearances and was even a guest on the 'the 700 club' in 1991 at the age of 17. tiffany later received her bachelor's degree in psychology from westmont college in santa barbara california. she has not returned to television in almost ten years.

more recently, on march 2, 1997, she participated in the los angeles marathon, finishing in 4:33:06. she placed 921st among 5,312 females, and 101st out of 545 in her age class. she placed 5,110th in an overall field of 15,899 entrants.

as of may, 2002 she was working as a nanny in boulder, colorado but has since become heavily involved with children and young adults as a counselor in san diego.

misc: horseback riding is one of her favorite hobbies.

now:

d.b. of the week

rikki rockett (wtf kind of name is that anyway???), the drummer for poison, was arrested at lax on a rape warrant issued from mississippi. rikki was performing with the group in new zealand and was just getting off a flight when police swooped in. 46-year-old rikki was arrested on monday, taken to jail, booked and it looks like he has been released since then.

prior to starting poison with bret michael's in the 80s, rikki worked as a hairdresser, lifeguard, dishwasher, emergency medical technician and a suit salesman.

really, a suit salesman can't get laid??? go on... and a rape charge in mississippi? if convicted, he's totally going to get the death penalty. they are hardcore down there!!!

way to go d.b....

HAPPY EASTER!!!

how peeps make a living the other 364 days of the year:

the spears sisters at it again!!!

now many of you may have noticed that i haven't blogged about brit brit in a while. i thought it was time to steer away from all of that predictable drama and focus on some other happenings in the world.

that plan of action was going great until this video clip surfaced featuring jamie-lynn and brit brit together. i just had to post it, it was too good to let it slip by...

one voice...

a fierce hot tranny mess...

for those who aren't fierce and aren't in the know that i love project runway, let me catch you tranny's up:



now that is a hot mess!

look what i found!

it's eliot spitzer and his madame 'kristen':

she's so cheap she can't even afford a second wheel...guess she was only a 1-diamond on the 7-diamond scale...

douche bag of the week

i know d.b. of the week is supposed to be on friday...

and i know i haven't done d.b. of the week in a while...

but this guy just couldn't wait...

and now an excerpt from his resignation:

i go forward with the belief, as others have said, that as human beings our greatest glory consists not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.

i wonder if that was what the prostitute was thinking every time she fell on your schlong???

p.s. i hate to fly - can i just borrow your ears and use them as wings??? i bet your wife wouldn't even notice they're gone given how little time you spend at home and how loaded she looks...

i <3 betty white

i will marry betty white before everything is said and done:

drug mule? pat o'brien? briefcase full of cocaine? i love this woman.

they're baaaaaaaaack...

movie meme

because julie is a genius and i like to copy geniuses...

here are the meme rules:

1. pick 10 of your favorite movies.

2. go to imdb and find a quote from each movie.

3. post them here for everyone to guess.

4. strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.

5. GUESSERS: NO GOOGLING/using imdb search functions.

6. one movie guess per blogger. give people a chance to guess before you steal all of the awesome!

7. put your guesses in the comments. that way if i leave my desk for a little bit i have a record!

and now for the quotes:

1. there's not a day goes by i don't feel regret. not because i'm in here, or because you think i should. i look back on the way i was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. i want to talk to him. i want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. but i can't. that kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. i got to live with that. rehabilitated? it's just a bullshit word. so you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. because to tell you the truth, i don't give a shit. you are correct justin - shawshank redemption

2. listen. since i've met you i've nearly been incinerated, drowned, shot at, and chopped into fish bait. we're caught in the middle of something sinister here, my guess is dad found out more than he was looking for and until i'm sure, i'm going to continue to do things the way i think they should be done. indiana jones & the last crusade - well done mike!

3. we don't have none of this stuff in the boy's room! wait a minute! we don't got none of this...we don't got doors on the stalls in the boy's room, we don't have, what is this? what's this? we don't have a candy machine in the boy's room!

4. you really don't remember, do you? we didn't pick you. you picked us. you volunteered. right here. right here, even after you were warned. good job honey - bourne ultimatum is right!

5. ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common: you're all being blackmailed. for some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford, and in some cases MORE than you can afford, to someone who threatens to expose you. and NONE of you know WHO's blackmailing you. do you? clue is correct karen.

6. now the snarfblatt dates back to prehysterical times when humans used to sit around and stare at each other all day. got very boring. so they invented this snarfblatt to make fine music. well done snappy - the little mermaid.

7. who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway? resolve your entire life in one bold stroke? what if i fail? and i will. i'll fail. i'm telling you. i always fail. then my whole life will be a complete failure.

8. did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with that little hat on? julie is definitely in a league of her own...

9. if only you knew how mean she really is...you'd know that i'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? yeah! two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and i wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. and then for hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and i had to pretend like i didn't even like them and...it was so sad. and you know she cheats on aaron? yes, every thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with shane oman in the projection room above the auditorium! i never told anybody that because i am *such* a good friend! mean girls is correct - nice one fort knocks!

10. that's right. when i was your age, television was called books. and this is a special book. it was the book my father used to read to me when i was sick, and i used to read it to your father. and today i'm gonna read it to you. woo hoo yael - princess bride is right!

either she is preggers...

or is really happy to see brad-boy...

you can stay at the...

you knew the retaliation was coming...

100 things.

so i have been reading other peoples blogs as of late (thank you boss-a-roo for a continuance in the nothing to do department), and have been coming across more and more people who have a post of 100 random factoids about themselves…which spearheaded my inspiration to write a list of my own. so, without further ado, me:

1. i am the youngest of four children.
2. i have one sister, the oldest, and two brothers.
3. i am the loudest of four children.
4. i use fact #1 to explain fact #3.
5. i was born in texas...
6. but moved to massachusetts when i was 4 so i don’t have an accent (sorry to disappoint).
7. i had the idyllic childhood on the outside...both parents, a 5 bedroom house in a small town where the median family income was around $75,000...the town was rated by boston magazine as the healthiest of 146 towns in eastern mass...i was surrounded by trees, national landmarks, protected forests, conservation land, cranberry bogs and one of the state’s top ten school systems...my siblings and i perused the town all day on our bikes and never had to check in at home...
8. but things behind closed doors painted a much different picture.
9. i learned at a young age what it is to work for something.
10. i learned at a young age that you can only count on yourself.
11. it took me a long time to change my mind about fact #10…and i still have trouble with it at times.
12. i haven’t seen or spoken to my father in over 13 years.
13. those have been the best 13 years of my life…
14. and it just dawned on me that that’s half my life.
15. i was a total tomboy growing up…
16. but also loved barbie, care bears, and my little ponies.
17. i swam year round on a junior olympic swim team for 12 years…
18. and quit after my senior year in high school turning down $ to swim in college.
19. in addition to swimming, i played softball for 9 years, field hockey for 5, track for 3 as well as dabbling in soccer, ice hockey, ballet, and gymnastics.
20. i told you i was a tomboy.
21. i am now described as ‘a girly girl who doesn’t take s*it from anyone’.
22. but am still a total health freak.
23. i loved pretty much everything about my high school experience...
24. and the things i didn’t, i’m glad i can look back on and realize how ridiculous they really were and laugh.
25. in high school my friends and i were kind of goody-two-shoes…we didn’t drink, smoke, or party…until the summer after my senior year…and even then it was tame in comparison.
26. i think when i go back for my 10-year high school reunion people will be surprised that i’m not a lesbian (see facts #15, 19, and 20).
27. it was in high school when it started that i would hear a song on the radio and could envision a video montage of my life to the music.
28. that still happens to me all the time today.
29. i decided that i wanted to get far away from massachusetts for college...
30. so i went to clemson in south carolina.
31. have you ever been to south carolina??? if not, DON’T GO!!! at least not rural south carolina…mind sets haven’t changed since 1957.
32. when i left for clemson i was a young, naïve, and had never been kissed.
33. when i got to clemson, i kissed a lot of boys…
34. but did a division l sport so didn’t have a life.
35. then i got hurt and couldn’t compete anymore…
36. and when i went back for my sophomore year, i realized i hated the school…
37. so i came home…
38. and felt like a huge failure.
39. eventually, i transferred to northeastern university in the heart of boston…
40. and LOVED living in the city…
41. but didn’t love living on another college’s campus since my college had run out of housing for transfer students.
42. so to get involved, my ‘friend’ who lived across the hall made it her mission to convince me to try out for the club volleyball team.
43. i assured her that even though i am tall (5’11”), i had never played…
44. she didn’t believe me…
45. and proceeded to beg, beg, and beg some more for me to accompany her to try-outs since she had played since 8th grade.
46. i finally gave in…
47. and my life changed forever on the first day of try-outs…
48. i met my future husband (who we will call frank).
49. and made the team…
50. and now continue to play and coach volleyball…
51. which makes me think how much better i would be if i had been playing since i was in high school…
52. and then i realize how much time everyone wastes worrying on ‘what could have been’s’…so i look ahead…
53. and then realize that i’m getting married in 161 days as of this posting…
54. and am totally excited, stressed, and terrified.
55. all of my friends are already married, many with a baby on the way (if they don’t already have one).
56. this has jump started my biological clock.
57. seriously, it’s like big ben in my head.
58. but at the same time it makes me feel like i need to get out and enjoy my youth while i can.
59. and when i try that, i am reminded how much of a lightweight i am.
60. and remember that i have never been hit on at a bar…ever…no one has ever even asked me for my number…
61. and now i bet you’re all thinking that i’m hideous because clearly i have a killer personality.
62. most nights when i am not working or coaching i am at the gym (see fact #22).
63. and when i get home i watch one of my favorite shows: law & order svu, the office, lost, or pretty much anything on the food network…
64. reading that, i feel totally lame.
65. but that is also the only time of day that i really get to see frank.
66. so a lot of those shows are playing while he and i chat…
67. so i DVR them to make sure i don’t miss anything…
68. this also may or may not allow me to pause the tv when l&o svu is on to ogle christopher meloni.
69. i root for all things boston even though i have been wanting to leave here since the day i graduated college in 2004.
70. sometimes, i wish i lived in nyc…actually, i wish that all the time.
71. frank is not a fan of the idea.
72. but that’s okay, i will break him eventually…
73. frank and i are quite possibly the whitest people in the world but have a lot of conversations where we make fun of each other, use a lot of slang, or use a various accents…i’ve been told it can be quite hilarious.
74. our friend justin, a frequent visitor of this blog, asks us if we’re like that all the time.
75. i don’t know if this is a compliment or if we are just weird.
76. sometimes i have blonde moments.
77. the worst blond moment in the history of blonde moments was when justin, his wife, frank and i were on the way to the beach. we were discussing chartered helicopter tours as justin and his wife had gone on one during their honeymoon in hawaii. justin commented on how it was cool but kinda scary since there were no doors on the helicopter. i piped up from the back of the car with, ‘if there are no doors, how does everyone get in the helicopter?'
78. your IQ just dropped 5 points after reading that…
79. mine plummeted 50 for saying it…
80. but it still makes me laugh.
81. i wish i could elongate the day so that i could sleep more than 5-6 hours a night.
82. i wish i could elongate the day so that i could spend more time with frank and my friends.
83. i read a new book every week.
84. after reading people.com, instyle, or catching a few minutes of ‘my sweet sixteen’ on mtv, i wonder if celebrities and spoiled kids have any idea what it’s like being poor?
85. i hope my kids never have to worry about it…
86. but are grounded enough to appreciate what they have.
87. i have been saying forever that i want 5 kids, but now i think i may have changed that to 3.
88. i want a dog.
89. i want the following stores to realize that i have helped them immensely in their last quarter sales and allow me shopping sprees as compensation: j.crew, gap, nordstrom, macy’s, and barnes & noble.
90. i wish i could have met my mother’s father since all of her siblings tell me i look like him.
91. i hate all of my jobs right now with the exception of coaching.
92. i can’t wait to go to grad school to become a high school guidance counselor and enjoy what i do and feel like i make an impact on someone…anyone.
93. i love that frank is in full support of me returning to school and getting on to something that i want to do.
94. i love that frank is also in full financial support of this quest…
95. because i am still bitter that frank got to go to undergraduate for free (his mom worked at the university)…
96. and i am still tens of thousands of dollars in debt even after many scholarships.
97. i am greatly looking forward to getting into my career…
98. and furthering my career to work with adolescents with eating disorders and body issues
99. and am also looking forward to reading other peoples lists of 100 things about them…
100. so get cracking!

ummmmmmm...

i think i just threw up in my mouth:

*click on image

it is safe to go back in the water...

swift-boating the sharks

there’s a sad irony in the news today, following this week’s death of roy scheider, the shark-hunting cop from the jaws movies. the International shark attack file, the unofficial scorekeeper on worldwide shark attacks on humans, published its death toll for the year 2007.

all of the sharks in all the world’s oceans barely kept pace with mr. scheider’s movie accomplishments. they killed one of us last year. one.

certainly that one death is no laughing matter. she was a vacationing nurse, snorkeling in the waters off new caledonia in the south pacific. there were also 71 reported shark attacks that did not result in a human death last year.

george burgess, the university of florida researcher who runs isaf, performs the grim task of counting up the incidents. but he does so with his own sense of irony. popular culture, he says – from the big screen to magazine cover stories to cable news channels (!) – have pumped up the drama of shark attacks, in the process creating the impression that they’re far more common than they truly are.

burgess’s numbers, as well as a few pulled from other studies, put the shark frenzy in context:

– from 2000 to 2005, isaf reports there were eight domestic shark attack deaths. the international hunter education association reports that 385 u.s. and canadian hunters were accidentally killed by other hunters in that same time frame.

– the new england journal of medicine reported that from 1990 to 2006, there were 16 deaths on american beaches caused by digging sandholes till the sand collapsed, smothering the digger. isaf counted a dozen u.s. shark deaths in the same period. clearly, you’d be safer in the water, with the sharks, than you are in your own sandhole.

– florida is the most prolific state for both boating and shark attacks. over a two-decade period, the u.s. coast guard reported 764 boating-accident deaths in the state. the sharks took four lives in the same years.

– a decade ago, a consumer product safety commission report tracked vending machine deaths from 1977 till 1995, thirty seven americans were killed when they got overly aggressive, toppling a vending machine to get a reluctant quarter or cola – an average of about two per year, or twice the number killed by sharks in the u.s. just when you thought it was safe to get a dr. pepper…

finally, here is how the other animals of the kingdom stack up:

- deer - the very symbol of the terrors of nature – take between 130 and 140 human lives each year - usually just after they’re in your headlights.

- the cdc estimates an average of fifteen u.s. deaths per year from snakebites.

- but the all-time champion animal nemesis for the human race doesn’t have a scorekeeper, and will likely never get its own series of movies or saturation news coverage (note to hollywood: this is not an invitation to start a 'war of the worlds' series of movies starring mr. scientology himself). we don’t know for certain how many people are killed by mosquito-borne disease but the horrible toll easily reaches the millions each year.

roy scheider’s immortal line from the first jaws movie was, upon first seeing his great white enemy, “you’re gonna need a bigger boat.” but in the world’s eye, the sharks are getting swift-boated. and we’re not working very hard to find the real killers.

GET OFF THE ROADS...

SHE'S O-U-T!!!

brit brit was released early from ucla medical center's psych ward because a court representative found "no just cause" for the hold...ma and pa spears believe her life is presently at risk and do not agree with the the decision and released this statement:

as parents of an adult child in the throes of a mental health crisis, we were extremely disappointed this morning to learn that over the recommendation of her treating psychiatrist, our daughter britney was released from the hospital that could best care for her and keep her safe.

we are deeply concerned about our daughter's safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk. there are conservatorship orders in place created to protect our daughter that are being blatantly disregarded.

we ask only that the court's orders be enforced so that a tragedy may be averted.

personally i would be more inclined to worry about the risk she imposes on everyone around her...not so much herself...

hi-larious

so sarah silverman gave bf jimmy kimmel a special present for his 5th anniversary last night on his show (the whole matt damon thing is a running joke on jimmy's show - jimmy always makes jokes about not having time for matty boy)...

brit brit, a portrait

stolen coffee mug....................check
stolen book of kabbalah............check
double chin.............................check
nappy hair..............................check
chewed off nails......................check

reminiscing...

so the rumor mill has been working overtime as to whether nkotb (or new kids on the block for all those still living in the stone age) will reunite...

all i have to say is:

on danny
on donnie
on jordan and jonathan
on joey
on groupies
on 90s bad fashion...

god i hope they do...and i hope they bless us all with their musical prowess much like this:

NEW SEGMENT!!!

new and exciting!!!

so justin, in his infinite wisdom, made a comment on one of my posts a little while back questioning where the stars that we loved in the 80s and 90s are now??? that got me thinking...and so i've decided to do a weekly 'where are they now' segment.

first up, dave coulier (aka - uncle joey from full house)

professional life:
up until its cancellation in 1995, dave was best known as uncle jesse on 'full house' however, he also starred in the children's comedy series out of control and hosted 'america's funniest people' and 'opportunity knocks'. continuing with his voice work for cartoon characters, he did voice work in the movie 'yogi bear and the magical flight of the spruce goose' as well as 'felix the cat'.

his acting career included roles in disney channel original movies 'the thirteenth year' and 'the even stevens movie' as well as some work on nickelodeon in the movie 'shredderman rules'. in 2000 he founded his own children's centered entertainment company, 'f3 entertainment'.

he has also had a slew of reality tv show appearances. in 2003 he appeared on the 3rd season of VH1's 'the surreal life' with adrianne curry and chirstopher knight (who would later marry), da brat, chyna doll, marcus schenkenberg, verne troyer and jane wiedlin. in 2006 he appeard on fox's 'skating with the stars' where he was paired with olympic silver medalist nancy kerrigan.

currently, dave finds himself a member of duck's breath mystery theater - a touring comedy troupe as well as host of the series animal kidding. ha has been a kids choice awards host, and stars as mr. byrd in the tv movie shredderman rules which came out last year.

personal life:
dave was married for two years to fashion model jayne modean and together they had one son named luc. dave was alleged to be alanis morissette's first lover and it is widely speculated that he is the man referenced in her bitter song 'you oughta know' (although neither party will confirm this.)

he is also an avid fan of professional hockey, specifically the detroit red wings as was evident on his tenure on 'full house' by his red wings jersey and various red wings posters on uncle joey's bedroom walls. dave was a member of the celebrity all-stars hockey team where he played along side jason priestley, matthew perry, michael j. fox, alan thicke, michael keaton, and richard dean anderson.

if you have someone who you loved to watch as a kid and are wondering what happened to them, let me know...i'll do a little research and get you in the know...