SPORTS GAL'S RANT
I wasn't surprised when Michael Vick found Jesus about a dozen dead dogs too late. Every celeb who breaks the law embraces a higher power as soon as they get caught. How many times can we keep testing God's limits? A few weeks after Paris Hilton told Larry King that she found God, two of Bill's friends watched as she give Suge Knight a sloppy post-ESPY's lap dance at the Mondrian. I don't remember reading about lap dances in the Old Testament. Just wait until the day Lindsay Lohan finds religion at her 19th DUI trial, I'm sure God will love that. Get ready for some unexplained atomic explosions afterward.
We should be harder on celeb criminals because they're supposed to be setting examples for kids - even someone like Paris, who's setting an example for aspiring socialite hookers with no talent. If I got hopped up on drugs and drove the wrong way on the highway, I'd be biting into a pillow in a cell with large Marge right now. When Nicole Richie does the same thing, she goes to jail for 10 seconds. So let's make an example out of our dog-hating friend Mr. Vick. Instead of a joke sentence, let's put him in televised cage fights with other dogfighters, with all proceeds going to PETA and the Humane Society. Leading up to each fight, we'll starve Michael the same way he starved his dogs. Each fight will keep going until Michael or his opponent gives up or dies. The loser will be executed by eletrocution, gunfire or hanging. I know this sounds brutal, but I believe in an eyefor an eye and I can't accept anyone ever hurting a dog. If cage fighting is too harsh, then Vick should eat dog food and drink out of the toilet for the entire time he's in jail. Anyone who would hurt a dog deserves to be treated like one.
On a lighter note, I want to challenge Cameron Diaz to a cage fight. This is getting ridiculous. First, she dated Jared Leto while he was still in his "Jordan Catalano" mysterious/smoldering/hot phase, then she nabbed the incredibly talented, inexplicably sexy and on-his-way-up JT, and finally, the funny, talented and inexplicably sexy John Meyer right after he lost weight. That's three of the guys on my list! If I ever see Cameron crossing the street in LA, I'm going to run her over with my car. Maybe I should just find God now and get it over with.
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1 comment:
Cat fight with Cameron Diaz? I'm not all that into her, but that would be something I'd pay to watch.
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